I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
