I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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