he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
