I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
