I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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