i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
