Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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