i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
