help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
now i know why i became what i already was.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
