at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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