I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
