Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
