I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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