Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
