im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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