Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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