I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
