It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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