I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Randomize
