So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
