you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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