Sry I called you an 8
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
