3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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