You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize