Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
