Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
