I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
