hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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