I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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