my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
