Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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