wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize