someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Damn victory sex feels great
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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