Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
