Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
