I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
