So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
