there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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