Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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