no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
