I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
