Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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