even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
