**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
