Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
