Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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