he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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