help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize