Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
