He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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