So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
