Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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