What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
