it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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