Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize