I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
