All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize