We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
