I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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