the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
