im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
