so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
