my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
