she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
