yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
as a side note pls kill me
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