There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
