i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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