At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
