Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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