I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
